One Birthday too many
by LadyKryptonite294
Summary: AU. Sam remembers back to his constant dislike of a certain day of the year. Story better than summary :D


**Title:** One Birthday too many

**Rating:** T

**Genre:** Hurt/Comfort

**Author notes:** Hey…Ok, so I don't know where this came from, I had been having a serious dose of writers block lately and wanted to try and get out of it, so I sat at the computer and just started typing and this is what I came up with…so be kind and please let me know what you think, comments are always welcomed…_just not too harsh_ :D

**Summary:** Sam remembers back to his constant dislike of a certain day of the year. Story better than summary :D

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Supernatural characters or worlds…unfortunately, what I wouldn't give to own Sam and Dean _sigh_…

* * *

**One Birthday too many**

My alarm buzzes annoyingly beside the bed, stirring me from the little sleep I had managed to get that night, thanks to a pack of vampires, which unsurprisingly, aren't too giving when it comes to allowing me with privileges such as sleeping, Dean and I didn't get back to the motel til at least gone three in the morning, not that I was complaining, on my part I was grateful, at least that way it gave me less time left to worry myself with the inevitable day that was looming over my head like a bad rain cloud that refuses to go away, no matter how hard you plea.

Groaning with both tiredness and agitation, I sloppily pulled my arm from beneath the covers and switched off the alarm, however decided not to move just yet, Dean isn't awake and that suits me just fine, the longer this can be postponed the better.

Prying one eyelid open I winced as the light reflected off of the window seal, my eyes shutting instinctively against the harshness. With a tired hand, I swept the loose bangs of hair from my face, allowing my fingers to run across my scalp, rolling onto my back as I done so, sighing with a heavy breath into my hands.

I suddenly heard Dean stir in the bed beside me, halting in my movements, scared of waking him; I kept still, trying to keep my breathing as shallow as possible. I heard another shuffle and then nothing, releasing my held in breath, I let my hands drop back down at my sides, my sight lingering on the ceiling for a while as I contemplated how I was to avoid the occasion Dean was bound to bring up as soon as he awoke.

Maybe I could get up and leave before he even wakes up, that way I could stay out long enough to avoid anything he might have planned, but would he really forgive me if I done that, probably not, it means a lot to him for reasons I will never understand, today was never a day that was much celebrated when we were kids, not that we would have had the time to even if Dad or Dean did decide to try, we were always too busy on a hunt or moving around, we were never in one place long enough to just stop and celebrate as would any other normal family…it's just the way things were, it's the way our family is.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't hear Dean shift from his bed until the next thing I know, he's slapping me on the shoulder speaking to me, it took a couple of minutes to realise any words were coming out of his mouth, when I noticed his lips were moving I shook my head as if it would help me to clear my thoughts long enough to understand what Dean was saying, not that I needed to hear to know what it would be.

"Sammy?" I finally heard Dean say, concern in his voice when I hadn't responded.

"Huh?" I grunt, not really wanting to speak all that much, dreading hearing those two words leave Dean's mouth, two words that only come around once a year, yet they are two words I could live without hearing ever again.

"_I said_ sleepy head…Happy Birthday!" Dean smiled as he said it, if he spotted my grim expression and physical wince at his good wishes, he didn't show it.

"Thanks" I mutter, barely above a whisper, throwing the cover back harshly I slid from the warmth of the bed, grabbed my clothes and headed into the bathroom, shutting the door before Dean could say another word.

I didn't look back to see if he was following, feeling relief wash over me as I locked myself into the confines of the small bathroom, leaning my head back against the door with a sigh, sure I could hear Dean on the other side, but he didn't make an attempt to come in, he simply left me alone, just like I wanted.

Birthdays never were my thing, too many bad memories attached to them.

I stepped up to the basin and rinsed my face with some cold water, the droplets falling from my nose as I leant over the sink, my hands tight around the porcelain rim, my fingers smoothing through my hair coarsely slicking it back off of my face.

"_Birthday_" I scoffed to myself, taking a long look in the mirror, allowing my mind to wander.

* * *

**14 years ago**

"_Sammy, it's your Birthday today, how old are you again?" Dean asked taking a bite out of his breakfast muffin, raising an eyebrow at the taste._

"_Eight" I spoke softly as I pulled on my shirt._

"_Wow, that old huh?" Dean smirked, his smile fading when I didn't smile back. "You ok?"_

"_Yer" I try to say as convincingly as possible but I never could fool Dean._

"_Sam, don't lie to me, is something wrong?"_

_I shuffled away, hoping Dean wouldn't see the conflicting emotions pass over my features. He grabbed my arm and pulled me round, my eyes brimmed with tears, I felt so angry at myself for letting him see me like that, but I couldn't hold them back any longer. The physical contact of Dean's hand on my arm broke my demeanour, without another word and before I had even realised it I was sobbing in my brother's arms._

"_Sammy, what's wrong? Shh, just calm down, what's wrong?" Dean soothed into my ear, his patience greater than usual._

_It took a while before I could find my own voice again, lifting back, suddenly very embarrassed, I wiped my tear stained face with my sleeve and sniffled slightly._

"_It's nor fair Dean" I spoke softly; my brothers face one of bewilderment. "This life" I added before Dean could question me._

_Dean remained silent, he simply sat back down onto the bed and slumped forwards as he sighed. _

_Suddenly feeling awkward standing up, I took a seat besides Dean on the bed._

"_Sammy…" _

"_I know, we can't change who we are…what we are, it's just not fair ya know. I see kids playing with their parents and celebrating their birthday's…normally_" _By now there was no use holding back, I felt as though a weight was being lifted, but the pressure was still there in the background, no matter how much I spoke about it, things would never change, we would never be normal._

"_Come on, this life aint all that bad, we get to see different places all the time, meet new people" Dean encouraged, though his voice was still masked with sorrow for my grief._

"_I guess" I muttered dropping my head._

"_Sam, no matter what we do, us, this family, we will always be there for each other and that includes today…especially today. Tell you what; seen as you're the birthday boy, you get to chose what we do today, no hunting, no moving, just plain, boring family fun" Dean smiled one of his cheeky grins, immediately my own lips mimicking his expression._

"_Really?"_

"_Yup" Dean added brightly._

"_Thanks Dean"_

"_Hey, what are big brothers for?"_

_Before I could answer, Dad came bounding through the door careful not to disturb the line of salt as he entered. "Pack your things, we're leaving"_

"_Dad what is it? What's happened?" Dean fired his questions as soon as the door was closed._

"_There's no time, just do as I said, pack your things, you got five minutes and we're leaving" His voice carried that clear marine tone, a tone that stopped any questioning._

_Dean looked back to me with sorrowful eyes, smiling as to say 'sorry kid, we gotta do this, it's what we do'._

_I couldn't move, I watched as Dad and Dean rushed around the room picking everything up, ripping the research off the walls, grabbing the emergency duffle from under the bed. This was all our life was, picking up and leaving at any given moment, never keeping still._

"_Sam! Come on!" Dad yelled at me, pulling me up from the bed. "Here, take this" He placed a 9 mm into my young hands, to anyone outside of our family this would be unthinkable, but to us this was a way of life, the gun felt unnervingly natural in my hands, no way should an eight year old boy be given a gun to defend himself, what kind of a life was this?_

"_Sammy, let's go" Dean placed a hand on my shoulder, smiling the best reassuring smile he could as I tucked the gun into the back of my jeans, him doing the same with his own. Walking away Dean headed to the door, hot on Dad's heals, some things will never change._

"_Happy Birthday Sam" I whispered to myself, pulling my heavy duffle bag over my shoulder, making sure to pick up the can of salt as I left the room, the gun hard against my lower back, yet not uncomfortable as any other child would think, more of a safety blanket, just another insane part of my life as a hunters son._

_Looking back into the room, I sighed, trying not to dwell on the rare moment of happiness I almost felt just a moment ago, I guess I'm just not meant to live like everyone else, I don't deserve to be happy, I am the reason my mother was killed and I can't help but feel every time I get a year older is just another year my Dad blames me for what happened._

_Closing the door, I spotted Dean beckoning me over, quickening my pace; I then jumped into the back seat, avoiding my Dads gaze, feeling his blameful glare bare deep into my soul._

'_There goes another birthday' I thought to myself as the Impala roared to life and tore out of the motel parking lot. _

* * *

**Present Day**

Without realising I had moved myself into the shower, my own salty tears mixing with the steaming water as it cascaded down my face. I don't know why it has hit me this hard compared to all the other years, maybe its because I know this is my last one that is going be shared with my brother, since he made that deal all I could think about was what life was going to be like once he was gone and I guess seeing what life is like while he's still here has hit me harder than I thought it would.

I may hate my birthday, but Dean doesn't and knowing that he won't be here to see any more breaks my heart, he is the only person to get me through that one day a year, it's his sarcasm, his laid back attitude that keeps me grounded and allows me to forget about the bad times and horrors of my past and move on, taking each year as a new beginning…only this time it's more of an end.

Turning off the shower I get changed and build up the courage to leave the bathroom, ready to face whatever my brother brings.

I step out from the warmth of the room and take a couple of slow steps into the bedroom, Dean's eyes catching mine immediately, he hadn't moved, he had been waiting on the bed it would seem, waiting for me to come out.

"Sammy, I'm sorry, I know how much you hate your birthday, I guess I have know for years now, it's just…I couldn't bring myself to not care, you're my brother, my family, how can you expect me to not want to celebrate that?" Dean asked, but it was obvious he wasn't expecting an answer.

"Dean, just don't…I can't right now" I try to side-step the situation but Dean is way too stubborn for that.

"No Sam I won't, this is my last year god-dammit and to hell if I'm not going to make it my best. You know what, after all these years I finally figured it out, why you hate your birthday so much…" Dean caught me off guard, standing from his spot on the bed, moving to stand in front of me.

"Is that right?" I challenge him, hoping that he hadn't truly figured it out.

"Ah ha…its mom isn't it? You feel guilty for what happened. Well wake up Sammy, don't! It's not your fault, you were just a baby, it was the yellow eyed demon's fault and no one else's, not mine, not yours, _his_!"

I stayed silent, speechless as Dean relayed my very anxiety to me down to every detail.

"Sammy, you got to move on, I'm here now, but I wont always be, you can't keep blaming yourself for what happened to mom or us…if you keep it up, who's gunna look after you when you go all sulky next year, I won't be there to cheer you up and we all know how depressing you can get" Dean finished with a smirk, his ever present sarcasm forcing a smile to my lips despite my best efforts to keep a straight face.

"Dean, I just can't" I say simply, breaking eye contact with him and pulling my attention to a very boring piece of the wall behind him.

"Well maybe this will help…" Dean looked at me with seriousness in his eyes, which in his world is the closest look to love he will ever show. He brought his hands up to his chest and wrapped his fingers around the amulet that had held position around his neck since he was a child, since the day I gave it to him at Christmas.

A breath catches in my throat and I hope Dean doesn't notice, my heart is thumping a mile a minute in my chest, but I manage to keep still.

He felt for the cord around his neck and lifted it over his head, the necklace now sitting neatly in the palm of his outstretched hand. "Happy Birthday Sam" He said handing the necklace to me, sliding it into my own hand, waiting for me to put it on.

"Dean…I can't take this, it's yours, I gave this to _you_" My hands are trembling beneath the now thinned cord of a necklace in my palm, as though the physical connection was burning my skin.

"Yes you can, I want you to have it now, I've not got much longer left and I was going to give it to you anyway, but I thought it would be more appropriate seen as it's your birthday to give it to you now. I want you to wear it, it's kept me safe my whole life, it's given me the strength to come this far, and I want it to do the same for you once I'm gone" Dean professed, tearing in the eyes himself, looking away promptly to hide the very fact, this made me smile even more.

"Thank you" Not that these two words would ever be enough to say to him all the things I want to, but now was not the time, right now all that mattered was that Dean was here with me and for the first time in years, I was celebrating a birthday that wasn't filled with anxiety or sadness, but happiness and hope for a brighter future.

After all we have seen and done, the simple pleasures of life that we missed, today has given us the chance to experience the one thing we have always wanted, normalcy.

Some would say what's so great about normal?

But for us normal only comes around once a year.

* * *

**Well? What did you think?**

**I hope you liked this, as i said before, this was my attempt to esacpe my annoying batch of writers block and it has helped me lot, but whether or not is any good, well i'll let you be the judge of that :D**

**Thanks for readin, and please drop me a review, it will make me super happy :P**

**Cee xx**


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